One Line Jokes

42 Funny One Liner Jokes

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don’t have eyes.
o O o
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
o O o
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! o O o
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. o O o
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved. o O o
A day without sunshine is like, night. o O o
Born free, taxed to death. o O o
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened. o O o
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. o O o
What is faster Hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold. o O o
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. o O o
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends. o O o
What’s the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck. o O o
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. o O o
Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize! o O o
Judge to prostitute: So when did you realize you were raped?
Prostitute, wiping away tears: When the check bounced. o O o
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. o O o
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. o O o
I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen. o O o
If you can’t convince them, confuse them. o O o
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. o O o
Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey. o O o
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick. o O o
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? o O o
My birth certificate was a letter of apology that my dad got from the condom company… o O o
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. o O o
Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. o O o
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. o O o
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway. o O o
I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back. o O o
IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got. o O o
I can handle pain until it hurts. o O o
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. o O o
A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist. o O o
You cannot taste me, until you undress me. -Banana o O o
You cannot eat me unless you lick me. -Ice-cream o O o
You cannot play with me unless you blow me. -Balloon o O o
You cannot eat me unless you spread me. -Butter o O o
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. o O o
A day without smiling is a day wasted. o O o
Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them. o O o
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.